Below are a list of things I thought were important to work out before bubba number 2 arrived:
Making time for bonding with bubba:
For me, those first few weeks with my first born baby were so special. Yes, I was sleep deprived but it was so special getting to know my son, bonding with him. I was worried this time around I wouldn’t get a chance to bond with my second baby because my first baby would still need me. So we planned to continue to send Samuel to child care one day a week, to give me alone time with Sebastian. We also decided that we would ask our parents to look after Sammy one day a week, even if it is for a few hours in the morning, just to give me time to chill with bubba. This worked really well.
The other thing that helped me bond with bubba were the night feeds. Night feeds were different second time around. I think because I knew that night feeds only last a few weeks or months I didn’t stress or dread them as much as I did the first time. To see Sebastian’s ‘milk drunk’ face after a feed, to watch him cuddle into my arms, to see how safe and relaxed he was made my heart sore. Some nights I didn’t even want to put him down, I just wanted to watch him sleep in my arms. I know this sounds crazy but thats how I felt.
Making time to bond with your older bubba:
I was worried that once the baby arrived my bond with Samuel would be lost forever. I was worried he would hate me for spending so much time with his brother. He wouldn’t want me to do things for him like give him a bath, or put him to bed. So I had grand plans that I would always give him his bath and put him to bed every night after Sebastian arrived. Things didn't go according to plan. Sometimes Sebastian needed to feed during these times so Mike had to do these things. Or sometimes Sebastian was sleeping and it was a perfect opportunity for me to get some shut eye. I tried not to feel guilty, but you know what it is like when you are emotional and lacking in sleep, everything makes you feel guilty and sad.
My advice to any mothers feeling the same way is to be kind to yourself. Looking back it was crazy to think that my bond with Samuel could be lost. Samuel will always be my son. He will always need his mum. And our bond is still strong, even now that his brother is 7 weeks old. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes he tests me. And I am sure sometimes I hurt him when things happen like I have to change his brothers nappy instead of reading Samuel his favourite book. But all I can do is try my best. And hope that he sees that.
Sleeping arrangements:
I really didn’t want to get a second cot. Why? Well, our cot was a gift from our parents, and is a beautiful big cot. What would I do, put the baby in a new cot? I couldn’t justify spending that much on a cot so the new cot would have to be a $70 ikea cot. Was it fair that the baby had a cheaper cot than that of his brothers? Would the baby always feel like he didn’t get as many nice things as his brother, would this set a precedent for his whole life? Would he then grow up to be an unhappy person? Maybe, Maybe not (probs not). But one thing was for sure, he would eventually need to sleep in a bed. Thats why I decided that getting a bed was the way to go.
Sebastian is still 8 weeks old. He is still in the bassinet, and Samuel is still in his cot. Eventually I will offer Samuel day time naps in his bed but I am worried that he won’t stay in bed, that he will crawl out and play with his toys. Stay tuned to for how this goes.
Leaving the house:
This worried me. A lot. I love going out. Heading to the shops. Getting a coffee. Being mama brunch-a-lot. And when you have one bubba you can work around their sleep time and get things done. But when you have 2 bubbas, how the hell would you leave the house?!
Even getting from the house to the car seemed too hard to think about let alone do. And it is hard. Samuel is 14 months old and only just started walking. So I literally have to carry 2 kids to the car, as well as 2 nappy bags, my hand bag and anything else I might need. Ahh the stress. And you might say, just take one at a time, but which one? Samuel hats being alone, so he crys hysterically if I leave him inside the house while I take his brother out, or he crys hysterically if I leave him in the car while I lock up and take his brother out. So, it is less stressful to take them out at the same time, and it is quite the bicep work out too.
What I have noticed is after every outing, leaving the house gets a little easier. I am also open to the fact that some days, there will be poonamis and horrible mood swings. But some days they will be peaceful and happy. I won’t be put off by the bad days.
Hope this helps any mamas preparing for their second baby!
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